Things I'm Fiending For (in no particular order):
-An oxytocin fix (warm fuzzies hormone, for the uninitiated), preferably by way of holding an infant...I miss working with babies:/
- A call from the man I'm *theoretically* seeing- night shifts seem to mean less calls/txts, which after a while makes me feel a little insecure about where we're at.
-A warm/snuggly body to share my bed with, preferably the aforementioned individual. It's the little things...nothing feels safer than snuggling to sleep in bed, an experience that I miss terribly (but feel bad for wanting).
-A mother who isn't a total nutjob...which in reality, means any mother other than my own. I've felt all my feelings and whatnot, and while I get it and no longer expect anything from her, I still feel cheated, and I won't apologize for that. But feeling any way I want doesn't make it not so.
It doesn't take a genius to see the common thread running through the things I'm lacking. Don't get me wrong- I'm not an unhappy person at all. But somehow the same voids have remained consistently unfulfilled over time, and the lacking grows exhausting from time to time. Is it so wrong to crave a little safety and security as an adult? Admitting it feels almost dirty...even if I'm just admitting it to the internets.