Another One Bites The Dust

Alas I thought I'd met a guy with potential, but found the caveat last night: He lives in his dad's basement.  And didn't think to mention this until I was at the front door about to come in and meet his dad on my way downstairs to watch a movie with him.  It was mortifying...I handled the situation with a game face, but inside I was caught off guard.  While I wasn't wildly attracted to him, DD (Dubbed Danny DeVito by my best friend due to his height) was a really nice guy with whom I'd shared good conversation and a gentleman's good night kiss on our first three dates, and I was giving him a shot.  He is 35, gainfully employed, and apparently living with his dad while looking at houses (his last offer fell through).  That might've been ok if he'd given me a heads up...although I'm a little wary of anyone over the age of 25 still living with their parent(s) for anything short of noble reasons i.e. parent terminally ill.  So despite the surprise, I proceeded with the movie-watching plan seated on DD's futon/bed.  All summed up- DD was quite pleasant as usual, but didn't make a move, and I was distracted by the general bachelor (read: not clean) condition of things.  Don't get me wrong- it wasn't the worst lack of cleanliness ever, but it was a real problem.  DD walked me to my car and I thanked him for a nice evening, and then he went for the kiss.  It was brief, but long enough for me to determine DD's style of kissing to be incompatible with my own.  The whole thing was disappointing, mostly because he's such a nice guy and I was really hoping something could work out:/  I could question the whole situation further, but bottom line is that we're not a good match, and I'm back to square one and not excited about loneliness for the foreseeable future.  Words can't express how much I really want to find someone who falls reasonably within the net I'm casting and with whom I have undeniable chemistry...the kind of chemistry I have with the man I met at the end of January and uncharacteristically made out with in the center of a crowded upscale lounge (and who I plan on hooking up with the second he visits the US again).  Why can't I find that mutual chemistry with someone available?  I sound like a broken record, but when will it be my turn? 


Aside from that, life is in a holding pattern.  My March nannying contract was extended by one week which is good financially, and I have an application in for a nice position a friend has recommended me for...still fighting for stable solvency and it's not looking entirely impossible.  I've been able to generally brush my dad off my shoulder with all his fundamentalist rhetoric and unwanted suggestions, and not feeling guilty which is a plus.  Off to bed...hopefully I'll have good news when I update next. 

Remind Me...

It's late and I'm tired, but I remembered something I didn't want to tonight, and I need to over analyze it later for the blog. 

That Night When...

That night when:
-I got wasted on three Sangrias (don't worry it came off as buzzed)
-I was easily suggested into dropping a $10 bill in the tip hat in exchange for requesting that the cover band play "Sweet Caroline;"  (My date said the guy was joking and would've done it for a $1)
-I somehow still managed to navigate my date and I to the pastry place that sells croissants out the back door at night...obviously my priorities are in order
-Coughed a lot throughout the evening (feeling highly afflicted by allergy season)
-Had two women try to pick me up in the ladies room of the bar; they were actually very nice ladies, I just prefer penis.  100% of the time.
-Had my first ever peck-on-the-lips kiss good night...probably a good move, since it was freezing outside and I'm in more of a snuggle-and-pass-out mood as opposed to making out. 

Possibly I may recall more relevant highlights in the morning, but those are the details you get for now.  I'd give the date an 8...everything was good, but I don't feel the same level of chemistry as I do with French guy. 

My Face is Red

Note to self...don't paste something sexual into fb chat that you're still testing in spanishdict for proper conjugation; you might accidentally confuse fb chat with the dictionary tool and click enter, sending someone an awkwardly conjugated come-on:0

Good Enough?

Let's talk about expectations in the dating world, specifically our expectations for who and what a potential partner is.  I'll cut to the chase here and say that I'm in the catch 22 of not feeling good enough for the men that I like, but being unable to find a "lesser" possibility attractive (and I've tried!)  I did some googling on this issue and it seems that much of the available wisdom on this topic is directed at men who need to be more confident to land and have sex with higher quality women, but while that advice might give me the inside track to the male's evolutionary "role" in relationships, it isn't helpful for me.  What can I do to be more attractive to the kinds of men I want to be with?  It's not that I can't find attractive men who want to have sex with me (I typically don't), it's that my dream guy wants his dream equal and I don't fit into that category.  This isn't said in a self deprecating way, but rather out of a desire to find happiness and the realization that when I do occasionally find someone I really like, I've started to look for the caveat (married or otherwise unavailable).  I don't hate men by any means, but I've noticed that unavailable and/or asshole guys tend to be attracted to me, and it's made me more suspicious.  Is there really such a thing as not being good enough? 

Stupid Girl Anxieties

I'm feeling especially grateful right now to have this venue to air out my silly girl nervousness...I might be 28, but I'm behind the curve compared with my peers when it comes to boys and relationships.  So I'm trying to set up a third date with the guy I met online; I normally don't like movie dates, but I purposely suggested one because I want to leave a level opening for him to kiss me, which is difficult to do when standing six inches taller than one's date.  But he didn't like the movies I suggested, and vice versa, so he suggested bowling.  I'm ok with bowling, but feeling really nervous now, because I overthink everything, and first kiss situations are top of that list.  I don't want another awkward goodbye hug at the car, and I don't want to have to make the move.  So what the heck's a girl in my position supposed to do??  I might be able to play it cool in a variety of situations, but situations like this highlight the fact that deep down, I'm a nervous, lonely little girl who's terrified of feeling vulnerable, and that's difficult to admit.  There I said it.  Thoughts? 

Weekend in Review

Gotta say, this weekend has been awesome!  My best friend flew up from the Naval base where he lives to see his gf on Friday, and as an added bonus, two of our other Navy friends drove up from a closer base where they're stationed, and then the three of us drove to meet the two of them at a semi-local ski resort.  It was short, but a nice reunion for everyone.  The highlights include me going snow tubing for the first time, playing 2am tag through the halls of the hotel, the girls "borrowing" an unattended birthday cake leftover in one of the conference rooms (and us passing it out to random people), and a trip to Cracker Barrel this morning.    It was wonderful to see my bestie again (hadn't seen him since Christmas!), and it was really good spending time with my other Navy friends, especially since I hadn't seen any of them since things went south with my second love interest who is their friend; it's reassuring that we can all hang out normally and have a nice time.  I'm back home now and everyone's gone home, so it's tempting to give in to missing them, but I'm too tired to focus on that, so I'm just relaxing and thinking about when we can all do another trip.  This weekend wasn't expensive at all, and I realized that while I don't have many friends, these are good people, the kind of people I really enjoy quality time with.  Now that they're stationed within a few hours drive, I'm hoping to see them more frequently for quality time and fun adventures. 

Chugging Along

Hi everyone!  I wanted to update [all six of you] on recent developments. 
I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower at the advice of my friend and Dermatologist, who told me that just like the female lead, I've been accepting the love I think I deserve; the movie was good and you should all watch it.  I've been going out on a few dates stemming from hours of online dating profile adjustments, and I've met someone nice.  He's very nice, we have good conversation, and I'm hoping that he'll make a move soon, but the good night kiss is challenging because he is 6 inches shorter than I am.  I also still talk to the well known intellectual that I met on my January excursion in DC.  I'm not ashamed to say that he is hot, and I'd love to hook up with him when he visits the US again.  Which I'd like to be sooner rather than later, because I haven't gotten any in forever, and I can honestly say that we had the best chemistry I've ever had.  Ever.  With anyone.  Too bad he's not interested in a relationship, because I'd be all over that idea.  I have a temporary nannying contract for the month taking care of an infant forty hours a week, and it's going well.  Last but not least, I'm going to see my best friend this weekend!!  He is going to visit his gf in another state, and I'm going to meet them and several others at a ski resort.  I'm excited to see him, but a little nervous to meet the gf...she and I talk regularly, and I really like her, but there's definitely some pressure on the trip.  It's also a little difficult sharing my best friend.  I like that he devotes so much time to her, but it feels a little weird that she wants to be my friend.  I feel so guilty because I actually really like her, and want to be friends, but it requires a lot of energy to talk to her so often, and I worry about her trying to share bff territory with him.  Not sure how to express what I mean, but it's nice to have a new friend although a little overwhelming.  That's all for now folks; off to sleep alone.