Retreading the Past

Things have been pretty busy the last few weeks...saw my family out of town, and have been busy with clients.  It's nice to have a bit of an upturn business-wise, but still feeling a bit battle worn.  I've also been out on several more dates with guys I met online.  And I met the man of my dreams, except that he's 23/nearly finished with med school/I fucked it up:(  Seems like I have a penchant for meeting men who are unavailable or disinterested, and I screw up all the rest of my prospects.  Also, I still miss the ex from another city:(  I haven't heard anything from him since he dropped off the face of the earth in January, but I'm definitely missing him.  And emailed him again recently...I didn't really need that last shred of dignity, did I?

Cougar Time

So I went on a date with a 23 year old yesterday.  Really.  I met him online, and we hit it off immediately, so we met for brunch at a charming local cafe.  Now, I'd typically never consider someone under the age of 25, but he is tall and attractive, of Indian descent, and in med school...essentially my perfect man minus a couple years.  I was a little nervous, but we had a great time joking and talking over pancakes about things such as physicians getting fired for giving breast exams in the dark, our most embarrassing [drunken] moments, and our general lives, and we subsequently walked and talked our way around the city for an hour or so.  It felt like an overall success, except for a hint of awkwardness when we hugged goodbye.  It was difficult to read his level of interest, which I generally take as a bad sign, but I really liked him.  His age was surprisingly a non issue...he came across as warm, funny, smart, and dedicated to his work, which is more than I can say about the last few men I've been out with.  But I get the sense that he probably won't be calling, which is a bummer since I haven't had any fun in a really long time, and honestly it's a little lonely sleeping by myself.  I suppose I should feel flattered that a 23 year old had enough interest in me to go out, but somehow I just feel disappointed and old.  He was fun and carefree, which is a nice change from my usual old person lifestyle...I might be pushing 30, but I still enjoy playing Just Dance or getting drunk and making out with a hot guy.  I wish I had more opportunities for those young person experiences, and I wish I'd taken advantage of them when I was actually 23.  Perhaps he'll surprise me and invite me out again...we've texted a few times since the date, but I sense a change in his level of interest and that's hard to admit.  I'll save the whining about how I never get the guy for my recounting of my recent visit with the European guy...let's just say that his equipment appears smaller than actual size in photos, and I may have cut off circulation to said appendage with an orange flavored condom, which killed the mood in under five minutes.