Saturday, September 1, 2012
I have the hardest time with transitions. Suddenly it's the end of summer and things went by so quickly, and it's easy to feel like I wasted time and didn't accomplish any of my goals. Which is partially true, but overly harsh. I just finished up a 45 day stay at my good friend and client's house, and it's a huge shock not being there. That house has such a good energy, and it's difficult not being there having quality time with the animals, enjoying late-night conversations by the pool, and enjoying the security of a space that feels safe and zen. I haven't stayed at my new apt yet, and can't afford to move my furniture yet, so it'll be a few weeks before I can really settle in there. It's a lot of transition at once, and I'm finding so many reasons to be unhappy even though I should be overjoyed about life and thankful for the many blessings around me (not the least of which is the ability to move my neck again!). This happened in January when I moved into my last new apartment...I ended up staying at some good friends' house for at least 8 days straight before the mom of the house made me face the change and sleep a night at my apt. I hope things will get easier soon because it'd be a shame for me to waste any time being depressed about such trivial things. It seems like there's always something to be down about, and I hate being that person. So what if I lost out on a $1,400 opportunity this week because of my thrown-out neck. So what if I feel the fattest I've felt in forever and can't seem to maneuver around my hormonally ginormous-and-sore breasts. So what if I'm worried about having trouble with motivation signing up for and studying consistently for the GRE because I'm afraid I can't do it? So what if my best current relationship is with my therapist, who just took a month off for vacation and whose services I'm terrified I won't be able to continue paying for? I could keep going, but it doesn't matter...the time spent lamenting these ills is not moving me towards my goals, and I need to work on real ways to change the things I'm dissatisfied with but seem to have trouble fixing lately.