Sunday, September 16, 2012

So it continues...

L'shana tova:)  It's been a good weekend so I have no basis for complaint...I still feel restless about several things though.  I wish I had family to celebrate the Jewish New Year with- I wasn't raised in any kind of Jewish tradition, which is a point I feel cheated on now that I'm older and feel a slightly closer bond to the Jewish community.  And it's also partly about being without a regular "family," and feeling lonely when it comes to the traditional holiday experience. 

I also can't shake the strong desire to head to [nearby city] to see the former love interest who I'm still interested in.  We are on very good terms, it's just a timing issue, and that's what makes it stressful.  A commitment would be nice, but really I haven't seen him in forever and I would drive up in a heartbeat to just spend one night curled up next to him.  (Wow that sounds terribly desperate!)  I'm used to wanting what I want and making it happen, and it's difficult when I have to go by someone else's timing.  I imagine I'll probably get to see him again, but not sure when, and it's eating at me.  I do get to go to upstate New York next weekend to see my other love interest.  I like them both for different reasons and it's easy to feel confused.  NY guy is really nice and we connect well, but he is in a job that makes him even less available than the resident so it'd probably be a miracle for the connection to be lasting.  Resident guy is a bit more nerdy and likes to plan things in more detail than I prefer, but we have a stronger connection.  NY guy is definitely more laid back, but *loves* football and likes to drink more than I would choose.  I hope that NY guy and I can plan some good outings for next weekend, as opposed to just going out on the town and watching football.  More importantly, I hope I won't be preoccupied with resident guy while curled up next to NY guy.  And since there's a certain connotation implied by "curled up next to," I'll clarify and say that NY guy and I haven't had sex, and while it isn't off the table, it's not the plan per se.  He stayed a night with me this summer, and I must confess I look forward to having a warm person to snuggle up with.  I'm going to stop this thought before I sound any lonelier. 

Yesterday was great furniture from storage so not sleeping on the floor anymore, had an interior designer friend help me choose paint, and went for an 8 mile hike with some friends.  Never have I ever (with 5 fingers) is super fun to play when it's getting dark on the trail and everyone's trying to walk faster because no one has a headlamp:)

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