So I'm feeling horribly guilty and disappointed in myself. I said something inexcusably mean to someone in frustration, and it was hurtful. I put myself in a position to be worn down by the individual, and some hurtful words popped into my head. I don't think it was about the hurtful words (I really didn't mean them!), but rather about having that person see that I can think of mean things to say when I want to, and that they were touching a nerve. The filter caught it the first time, but the person asked me what I was going to say...I refused initially, but finally repeated what the filter had caught...a very bad move. I apologized and we discussed it, but I don't think it will be forgotten for a very long time if ever. More than what I said, I'm disappointed in myself for being in a situation where this could play out; I think it demonstrates a lack of outlet and a building frustration. Folks who know me can vouch for the fact that although I sometimes say insensitive things unintentionally, I rarely say anything mean or intentionally hurtful to anyone, and it really goes against my personality. At least prior to tonight. There's not much else I can do, except work at the root of the issue to avoid it ever happening again.
On a non related note, I've signed this blog up for a Google Adsense account, but I'm pretty new to all this and not sure how readers feel about these ads on blogs like this. Do you guys mind ads on blogs or do you avoid blogs that display ads? I welcome feedback regarding this decision (especially since ads aren't displaying yet) and would certainly consider cancelling the account if ads will drive you all nuts. Because the readers [you!] come first:)