People who know me understand that I'm, like, the most responsible person on the planet. Seriously. Like a safety guru. But times have been stressful, and I've loosened up a bit on some of life's smaller details...perhaps too much. I found myself doing something really stupid today- naked cooking. Now this had nothing to do with the nude cooking craze apparently rocking Britain (googling that will turn up a blog and some articles with NSFW photos of the practice). My experience is more based on laziness/convenience. I've got limited clothing to wear these days, and even further limited access to laundry facilities (thank you, downstairs neighbor with skethy bf!), and somehow I found myself hungry after deciding to shower and change, and I guess I just figured it'd be easier to cook first and shower later. But then I found myself standing nude in front of my not-to-code oven waiting for the burner to ignite (yes, waiting), with a generous portion of coconut oil in the pan waiting to start popping, and it was then that I realized that I'd put myself in a unique position- to be featured on one of those idiot news segments made popular by morning talk-show hosts. Cooking naked using hot oil and a faulty oven is totally normal, after all. Right? Even worse, the realization didn't lead me to put on clothes, but rather simply to wrap up in a blanket. Fortunately my eggs turned out ok...a little runny, but my growing case of the hangries dictated immediate consumption. I'll try to be more mindful in the future (or not), but having that realization of how stupid I was being was funny in the context of my generally safety-conscious [anxious] personality. I worry about so many things, but yet I still do stupid sh*t on occasion, and no amount of anxiety can protect me from myself. Guys, if you're ever hooking up with a chick whose nipples got burned off in a grease fire, maybe you'll have found me.* But hopefully not.
Even having suffered a brief lapse in judgment, my day's been pretty good. Aside from the usual daily stuff, I had a really good conversation with the referral agent who found me the job that screwed me earlier this year/for whom I sometimes work. I recently sent him a vaguely [terribly] unprofessional email venting my frustrations about not being able to find a job, and disclosing some residual emotions I have regarding the client who let me go. The email was written in tears and with generally good intentions, but I'd sent a followup the following day apologizing for the weight of it, and hadn't heard back, so I called him to make sure he wasn't personally offended. To my great relief, he was actually pretty cool about it and recognized that I was just venting and said I hadn't been inappropriate at all. The email sparked a short discussion regarding the private service industry, and it made me feel good having an opportunity to be heard by someone with the most direct knowledge of what happened. I was professional, but I felt my voice edge in an emotional direction a couple times...it was an appropriately vulnerable conversation. Although I make it a habit not to vent to those I do business with, it was a positive interaction in the end, and gave me a bit of insight on him that will be helpful in our future dealings.
I'm especially proud of myself because it's very difficult for me to be truly vulnerable personally or professionally, and while we didn't snuggle and discuss our girly feelings, it was a step. Even though this blog is anonymous, I sometimes find myself censoring the true language of my feelings. It's sad because everyone needs to be able to let go sometimes, and also because I try to be as real as possible here in the hopes that what I share will be meaningful to the reader. And make you laugh. Hopefully all you lurkers are enjoying what you read:)
*Condolences to anyone reading who may have actually burned off any part of their body while cooking.